Tiling Saga--Part 1

As I previously posted, my dad came over to help us with tiling the girls' bathroom.  He suggested we lay the tile on the diagonal.  I said OK--as long as he was going to help because that was way above my pay grade and perhaps more importantly, my tiling book did not cover that particular lay out.  He and Doug tiled the floor in one day as I wrangled to keep the 3 kids out of their way.  My dad was on his hands and knees placing the tile and Doug was the one making the cuts with the tile saw.  About mid day, Annsley puts her hands on her hips and thoroughly disgusted with her daddy says, "Why won't you help Grandpa? He's doing all the work!!!!)  I guess in her mind if you weren't actually in the bathroom, you weren't working!

The day of Andrei's birthday party was actually quite warm.  After everyone left, Doug looks at me and says, "Hey, you want to get started with the tile?  It's warm and the tile saw won't freeze."  (If you don't already know, a tile saw uses water to cool the blade.)

I should have said no.  I was sick.  I had enough snot running out of my nose all morning I could have swum in it by the end of the day.  Doug loved the diagonal tiles and wanted to continue the theme in our bathroom and kitchen--you know, to make it look cohesive...  (I obviously have a husband who has watched too many episodes of HGTV with his wife...)

We needed my dad here--if for no other reason to act as foreman.  My dad is like this McGyver turned farmer person.  He can make a CB radio out of 2 Q-tips, a dime, and a pencil.  (I don't know if that is even a remote possibility, but really, he can do just about anything....)  He is also a perfectionist.  If it's not done correctly, he'll redo it.  Seriously.  No matter what it is and how long it took him to do it in the first place.

But no, he's not here and I have an over exuberant husband about to embark on a diagonal tiling job with a sick wife. Now, my husband can do a lot of stuff.  He's a rather handy guy to have around, and he's not afraid to attempt to do something new (which is good when you have a wife who likes to watch HGTV and DIY channels.) Doug is quite accomplished with a welder; he can wire light fixtures, new light switches (although he will not turn off the breaker.  "Real electricians don't do that.  Besides, how could I tell which wire is hot?" he says to me. OK, well don't call me to come get you when the electricity pulsing through that hot little wire tosses your big body off the ladder.  His step dad was a carpenter by trade, so he knows a lot about sanding, staining, hinges and glue.  Doug loves glue by the way.  Everything is better--and stronger--with glue.  No. Matter. What. It. Is...Oh the stories I could tell about that product and 22 years of marriage! He can change spark plugs in your car; he can dig big holes; he can drive big, earth moving machinery; he can do the plumbing; he doesn't mind climbing on the roof and hanging Christmas lights.  But let's remember, Doug is KING at demolition.  He loves tearing stuff up. Loves it. 

Loves it.

 Anyway, finesse is not his strong suit. He knows that and I know that, and he knows that I know that.  His number one desire in life is to be fast and finish first--looks are secondary in the moment.  It's speed.  Speed is king.  He shoots first and then decides to aim.  I'm the opposite, so we usually can make a pretty good team. He's like all those men you hear about.  It's not about getting to Dallas safely and having a good time.  It's about beating your last time you drove it.  Yes, he's the guy tapping his finger on the steering wheel as you and your two girls are waiting 10 deep to use the bathroom at the highway Stop and Rob. (And tell me again why you can't just use the empty Gatorade bottle in the back? he always asks!!!)

Case in point: when my parents were remodeling their kitchen, Doug gleefully takes his new pawn shop find--a sawzall--  over to their house to see if he can help with the demolition. This is a reciprocating saw that does what it names says--saws all. He is assigned to ripping out one of the walls--a specialty of his.   According to the ones who lived there, my step mom and sister were in the middle of emptying the cabinets when this saw blade from the other side of the wall appears above their heads.  It's all they can do to throw pots and pans, cereal, and Spaghetti-Os into plastic containers to keep ahead of the saw that is trying to eat them. Doug sawed the 2x4s, insulation, cabinets, sheet rock, electric wires, boxes of Uncle Ben's Rice--anything that was in his way.  But the job was done.  And hours ahead of schedule he would later add....

So, with this mentality, a box of Kleenex stuffed up my nose, and hours of DVDs to entertain 3 children under the age of 8, we embark on the great tile quest of 2013. 

 Part 2 to be continued...