"M"s the word...

Welcome to a frank, honest post.  (Well, actually all of my posts are honest, but this one is all about me.)

I'm getting old.

I'm 43 1/2 (almost), I've found more than 10 gray hairs to pluck out in the last 6 months, and I'm in the middle of peri-menopause hell. There, I said it.  That's so freeing.  Maybe there's a group.  An 800 hotline.  If not for us ladies, then at least one for our bewildered husbands. 

It's OK, Honey.  I'm bewildered at the whole thing as well.  The last thing my gynocologist said to me was, "Well, let me know when you can't stand those ungodly hot flashes or night sweats any more." 

And what else can I look forward too???

I didn't know there was such a thing as peri-menopause.  I just thought you woke up one morning and were menopausal.  Apparently, there is a transition period from the time you show symptoms until you fall off the reproductive cliff.  And, I have since learned that the "powers that be" have dubbed the time before you reach the time of peri-menopause as well.  That's called pre-menopause.  Duh. 

I just keep thinking about one of my favorite movies, Father of the Bride II, and that whole discussion of menopause and Diane Keaton sifting through the books on the nightstand...The Silent Passage, The Change.  Gag!  It just seems so old. Steve Martin gets it.  He gets me.  Menopause.  It's an old word. 

I actually cried the night when my doctor's office called with my blood work results after I had gone three months without any sign of menstruation in sight.  "Your blood work is elevated," her nurse told me over the phone.  "What does that mean?"  I've had blood work done about every 6 months as my cycles were so out of wack, but I had never gone over 90 days without one before.  "Well, it means you're entering menopause," Teneesa said. 

"Aren't I a little young?  A lot young?"  I asked.  "Well, average age is between 43-50. You might be in the low end of the range but not unusual," she says.  I got off the phone, went to bed that night without saying anything to Doug, and cried about 5:00 in the morning. 

Doug, being the compassionate man I fell in love with years ago hugged me and said, "Oh, it'll be OK." I think he was just glad to know that there might be a reason for the introduction to my fangs and the fact that the house needed to be no hotter than 60 degrees at night for the last several months.  "It's like the end of an era," I sobbed. 

He laughed.

We've had several interesting conversations over the last few months.  I arrive at the dinner table on night and Annsley says as I sit down, "Mom, Daddy says your hormes aren't right."

"Hormes?"

"That's what Daddy says.  That's why you get so mad so much these days.  It'll be OK.  We just have to stay out of your way."

Really. So he and the children have been discussion my estrogen levels. Lovely.

And then just two days ago, my oldest tells me after a particularly brutal afternoon, "Mom, you know your brain isn't working right. You need to leave my room NOW." I'm still debating on whether that is disrepectful of her however true it may be...

And then today driving home from church...I comment to Doug that I'm going to have to get to the eye doctor.  I find myself looking under my glasses half the time to read.  I know that can't be a good sign  in the aging process.

Doug says, "Hey, why don't you look into laser surgery?  That would be good.  I think you would look great."

I raise my eyebrow at him.  He continues. "It would be a gift. (And he starts laughing) You need to gift yourself during your time of transition.  You know, your season...Hey--it'll be my Christmas present to you."

My season? So that's what it's called...

My mother keeps asking me if I've gotten the progesterone cream ordered.  Yes, Mother, I have it, but I haven't used it yet.  She tells me I should.  It would be better for everyone she says.

So, it seems that I've been a hot topic around these parts. I haven't taken any drugs yet--haven't broken the seal on the progesterone cream as recommended by Dr. John Lee and his book What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Menopause book.  I have taken some Menopause Support vitamins though.  I really think they help with the insomnia and night sweats.  Obviously Doug thinks they help with my Jekyll and Hyde mood swings.  I woke up one morning after I had a horrid evening to find both bottles of Menopause Support on top of the coffee pot.

He had already left for work that day, but I had to laugh at his attempt at subtleness. 

What a tricky, web infested path he must forge.  I hate thinking my children will look back on these days as "remember Mom during her crazy phase." My saving grace is I've heard that men go through it too.  I'm waiting not so patiently.